We must not let a whole generation go to waste.

I just watched Idol Gives Back and i feel super weird inside.

There i was feeling an unexplained happiness, getting excited bout the bbq, my birthday.. trying not to think abt getting into medicine (all about memeMEEE).. and there, on the same planet, were people dying of poverty, aids, malaria, and every other little disgusting thing which people like me never have to care about.

I know this sounds damn drama. but im being honest.

suddenly i felt quite childish/self-centered/myopic/somethinglikethat for occupying my day-to-day thoughts with:

I need more clothes.

Toned arms, tight butt, swim more.

I'll die if they dont shortlist me.

My eyebrows are so tiny.

I need to spend more time with grandparents.

Gotta catch up with old friends.

What if i suck at the gig.

My room's a mess.

Why cant i play the guitar yet.

:( not that its wrong, or abnormal for that matter.. but for a moment i felt so caught up in unneccsary things that dont exactly make me happy. i just need to let go of the trivial and count my blessings.

1. My parents and aunties and uncles.

2. My brother who secretly loves me.

3. My bestest girl friends whom i never have to second guess.

4. Nicholas and Songjun who make me laugh

5. Elijah for my little realisations

6. OH! toto for her food, the clothes, the keepingofsecrets.

7. For more than enough food, clothing, opportunities and love i would ever need.

Okay frankly, the main shit in my head right now's about getting into medicine. I know i keep telling myself 'whateverwillbe,willbe.', but the thought of not getting what i want is still gnawing away my insidessss.

I really want to be able to help people in that special way which only doctors can..and i wont deny it, i want to be a hero. But watching all those poor people on tv, and initiatives like 'Malaria No More.', 'keep a child alive', 'Freedom School' reminded me that ultimately, my larger goals in life are more important. And that is to live for something bigger than myself.

But these moments of epiphany are SO FLEEETTTINGGG.

Just now i thought to myself:

"If at 42 i find myself stuck in a day job, secretly obsessed with earning more money, busying myself with raising a family, that'd be quite disappointing."

BUT IT'S SO EASY TO BE A DREAMER WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG AH.

okay ramble ramble.

Today in Playdays i discovered a slight affection for a non-human turtle called T1. Poor reptilieanicasanova's got fungus all over it right now. I just read up about treatment on the net and tmr i will try to save it.

Nonetheless i sense imminent doom.