goodmorning peter pan

First day of schl after a nottooshortbutfeelsshort holiday

2009-01-06T01:19:00.014+08:00

Elifag before the best facial in the world

Courteous young ladies

exploring dangerous worlds

young boy enjoying himself...

mugging like dogs for a terrible CA2

da gurls & me, we prowl the street..

Ive been feeling a little different recently. maybe im just getting older. too lazy to move my butt to exercise, too lazy to exert myself, too lazy to talk, only know how to bum around and chilloutz. and eat. and study because i have to.

I dont want to be like that ): like some mud-rolling slug sloth hybrid.

This is more serious than it sounds.

Therefore. my 3+1 new year resolutions are

- Eat more fruits and veggie and drink more water.

- Meditate for 15 minutes every tuesday and thursday w/o fail.

- Dont be so lazy to talk to people

- Be open to little adventures, even if they require tiring physical movements.

(i have started by walking the rusty old traintrack in sunset way. and running for 12 minutes on a jogging path ive never jogged on before.)

Straits times said not too many resolutions. so i'll stick to these 4. and my brother is going through puberty his baby voice is gonna go away ) :

new romantic

2008-10-25T00:43:00.007+08:00

its been so long i almost forgot my username to blogger!

HELLO

this blog has always been somewhere i tick/check/incinerate my emotional rubbish. and my emotional rubbish is really quite rubbish, so this blog is basically just a rubbish log.

Im just hear to rip out some pages from my teenage textbook

Dear WWW, i'm officially more official than ever ever before, over my eternal ex-B hangover.

i occasionally check out his G's blog out of a semi-controllable curiosity and find myself feeling strangely hollow in my metacarpals. But today i felt absolutely nothing (: (: like FINALLY!!! all i thought about was how lucky i am to have gone through that crap that lead me to elijah.

(i cant believe im even mentioning this shit again.)

anww, med's schl been okay. but must really study like SIAO.

i miss seeing my fav girlies and maybe 1 or 2 boylies around. making new friends is tough. i find it so hard to click with many people, or too too lazy to strike ups conversations. I miss being half of a rice cake with kimberly every day and talking like a bimbo.

And i dont know what's wrong with my tongue. kiss too much or what. wanted to say "that guy said, "you can sit in elizabeth's mouth", but it came out as "that guy said you can sit in elizabes mouse". tsk.

plus, i really miss the kids at playschool i keep dreaming bout going back.

but i have swimming, jazz and a date tmr so goodnight!

monimerica.

2008-05-29T10:51:00.013+08:00

kawkaw and mama fooling around with a Double Johnny

van whorez.

at the world's largest brat fest!!!!!!!!

its been..a couple of days. Weather's cold but very awesome.so i wake up very happy every day. hothotheat spoils my mood. Im still in a state of confusion. its been shoppingshopping almost every day for the 'couple' of days. (i've kinda lost track of time!)

ive bought quite alot of stuff (mostly for myself how selfish right :( it's really hard... ) And when guilt sets in, (like i start thinking bout how much money im wasting when i could just donate it ALL ) i tell myself i'll just shop like hell now so i can concentrate on studying when schl starts.

No wasting time thinking bout what to wear in the morning, no feeling discontented with my wardrobe. BRAINSPACE MUST SAVE. for livers, gall bladders and future life saving endeavours.

anw, yesterday night was so weird. i dreamt i went on a buddy-date with nicholas. and he dragged me around throughout by the finger cos i walked too slow. then i semi woke up and saw wilson beside me and thought it was elijah and i almost touchied his face. woke up for real just in time. well, my sick dreams are made of these. haha!

(nicholas, my dream dont mean nothin geddit? ive dreamt of the most unlikely of people.)

and, ive gotten down to reading Radiance of the King. but till page 35 im still like a whale in mud.

SOoo...okie dokes goodnight americaaaa! my aunt said must slp early cos tmr we're going to the EAST, wherever that is! and then in the evening we're gonna play mini golf (:

I STILL LOVE YOU THE MOST SINGAPOREEE!!!!!!

<3>

hey you lk so beautiful!

2008-05-18T01:04:00.008+08:00

here's jakob my galapagos sea turtle!

johnathan my rectangle

and elijah cai my heartmelt (:

today i got my letter frm NUS saying i got accepted to medicine and suddenly the whole house was in a frenzy!! happy frenzy (:

my dad kept saying he can finally pang sim pang sim (fang xin?)

and my mum was like "OHHHH!!HH!H!! hhahahaha",

and my grandpa- "call ji kwee call ji kwee (mum's sis)!",

and my brother, "i dont believe it. i actually feel happy for you.",

and my ahma just smiled and smiled.

then we started calling the worlllddd! my dad's siblings in the states, my mum's side in australia and burma, and my cousins in clementi, tiong bahru, and orchard. (we're very close knit:)

and my uncle was like, " WE MUST HAVE A CELEBRATION!!!"

my aunt in the states, the one who heads the family business, the one who lks like me, the one who takes care of EVERYBODY, was bawling her eyes out over the phone! its was so drama. but that's just the way we love her (:

" you dont know how much my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews mean to me. I feel like my life is complete and happy now. im so proud of you.. i was so worried... *bawl* "

and she told me, that apprantly, my other aunt had dreamt that i opened her door one day and told her "swe kaw i got into medicine." but she didnt want to say anything in case she jinxed it. her dreams are supposedly very accurate.

and my dad (: well i havent seen him this happy in a long long time.

i guess i nvr realised how much it really meant to them. im just so happy they're happy. & im hoping like crazy elijah gets in too. he was such a sweetheart today.. like every other day (: i got taken on some mysterious busride and ended up on the singapore flyer!! it may lk cheesy but im telling you, the view is gorgeousgorgeous. we stuck our faces to the glasspanels and tried to imagine we were levitating! crazy good (: told my mum abt it, and i want to take my brother and cousins on a ride. i think they'll go wild, really!

so more than finally having more certainty in my life, today was esp beautiful because i got reminded of just how much the people around me love me, unconditionally.

l.0VE

2008-05-11T22:17:00.013+08:00

bitch & boy

my new home theatre. (kidding!!!!!!)

bk. tv.psp.tv.psp @westwood

i was reading my book when i realised how sweet it is for all of us to sit around like this. so i decided to take a picture for a keepsake! and yes, for 10 seconds i was pretending to read that bk.just re-enacting the scene man!

chilling out and feeling very appy.

drove by to tea party for scones and tea and chat and yummyyyyy (:

i really very absolutely really love spending time with my cousins. nevermind that our conversations dont get even remotely intelligent. and i think who i am with them is really who i really am - a joyous shameless idiot (:

my bestest bestest BESTEST friends.

speaking of best friends! its time i put down in words the happiest things bout the day i turned 19.

started awesomepossum with elijah coming over to sunset way at 12 30am to play me the guitar, sing terribly (kidding!), and pass me lots of useless stuff (kidding again!).

then in the evening, it was off to rider's cafe to eat horses and their babies(kidding!!) w my favourite people. Blindfolded and at the absolute mercy of a few kinky barbarians, i got pomegranate stuffed into my mouth.

and many more.

then when i got home i got a text frm kimbobobo to go to our longforgotten BFF blog. it made me so darn stinkin touched YO!!!!(kidding.)

actually i was just very very touched. and very very miss-her-alot.

and and im so happy today i think i shall share w the www some sexy quotes from my sexy-quotes book.

Disclaimer: i did not buy the book, im still pure, and i do not get turned on by such shit. i just appreciate the wit.

Enjoy yall ;)

My ultimate fantasy i sot entice a man to my bedroom, put a gun to his head, and say, "Make babies or die." - ruby wax

The gravity is very light today.

I have an erection as a result of that.

All males have erections on days like this. - Kurt Vonnegut

Imagination is more impt than knowledge. - A. Einstein

The reason pple sweat is so they wont catch fire when making love. -Don Rose

Sex at age 90 is like trying to play pool with a rope. - Geroge Burns

Legs are a girls best friend. But sometimes, even bestfriends need to be apart. - some dumb male.

God will give you the whole-body-orgasm when you die if you spend your life in divine foreplay. - Graffito

HAHA overkill. gdnigt!

Happy appy

2008-05-09T23:56:00.011+08:00

it's in the jeans! jessica was so sweet. She ended with, "i want to dedicate that song to my mum <3"

ok detour, here's my noo look. hate it or love it! the amazingly oblivious out of tune band who lks pretty gd on stage

jessica getting her THIRD frm jeanette aw

the family

the killjoys @ Homeclub. bad photo, but i dont have anymoree.

when i saw it in the morn it still had its skin on and i wondered if all its intestine juice had burst out in its body.

Came home and saw this. Then i thought bout all the cars with frog skin on their tyres and how their owners have no cloo.

ok was lazy to edit photos so i just made everything b a w.

anyway! today the killjoys went down to crescent to guest perform. and my cousin came in 3rd in some crescent idol thingy. There were SO MANY SINGERS so 3rd is very good okay!

almost all the contestants could sing pretty impressively. and the equipment was very good. money well spent. hwach shld take a pointer man.

okaaay i want to hao lianr abit!!!!

the crescent crowd was awesome(: the moment i said "first song's im yours by jason mraz.." there was this immediate unanimous WOOOOOOOhoo!

(they cheered like monkeys for everybody actually, but it still felt so gooddd.)

and after the end of everything, the sound man told me "your performance shiok. i very enjoy."

YAYYYYY

!!!

head meets heart O <3

2008-05-08T19:00:00.004+08:00

my hands are cold cold cold and im...
shake shake shakin my shakies out
shake shake shakin my shakies out
SHAKE SHAKE SHAKEin my shakies outt
wibble my wobbles awaaaay!

settle the kettle

2008-05-04T01:36:00.007+08:00

i really dislike evil thoughts in my mind.makes me feel like such a scum. i dont actually wish for certain people to be unhappy. its just that when i read some people's blogs and they've got so many inter-esting photos i suddenly feel like my life is relatively boring. and im a bore:(

But that's not true!! im actually very very happy SHEESH.
i forget im not the kind to keep up with lots of photos/keepsakes.
i can be such a baby.all this new media's messing with my mind.

anyway, the gig at homeclub was comfortable (: i could actually indulge in the music for once. and the audience was l-o-v-e-ly <3
I cldnt speak to the crowd for nuts though. (joy actually said i lked damn gao wei when i was trying to say stuff. haha.)

and ive been reading reading reading thinking reading for monday's interview. like i told yuns, maybe i screwed up dentistry to ace this.

i really cant wait to read lots of storybooks.
lots lots.
lots lots.
lotslotslots.

blisterin barnacles

2008-04-28T20:08:00.010+08:00

THE WEATHER'S SO DAMN HOTTTT my mood is totally yuck.

My ex-orthodontist is so damn hot as well. but it's a nice hot. the.. I- wanna-take-you-home-but-i-cant kinda hot.

hothothot.

saw him in the hot canteen.

while i was eating my hot wanton.

hothothot.

hot sluggish day.

this is how i feel today

hothotheat :

(big red thing is the sun. little yellow house is my house. tiny pitiful black scum of the land is ME.)

chest nuts.

2008-04-27T23:18:00.014+08:00

i miss whoring for haagen dazs. Checkitout my 9 layer latte YO.

anwwwww,The question wasnt self-centered like i hoped it to be:

If there was one aspect of the medical profession which you could change. what would it be and why. Refer to your observations and experiences.

So i talked bout working hrs and how there's a concern that singapore docs are overworked. I hope i did okay but im worried i pigeonholed it to a local context but butbuttt what2doo.

and

there were like 800 people in the whole hall. a SEA OF PEOPLE. i felt like i needed to be moses to get in.

anywaaay, tmr got another interview im gonna go sit down at my table now and dig into the depths of my soul.

byebyecheerio!

this used to be my uncle's way of saying bye to me. we'd turn around & wiggle our butts when we say it (: (: (:

okay alright

2008-04-27T09:50:00.002+08:00

its todaaaay. YOOHOO! haha.

my aunty's so sweet. She just called over frm the states to wish me luck. and the highly religious person she is, she told me to seek my parents' and grandparents' blessing before i leave the house. and finally she told to be calm and pray that whatever happens will be for the best.

SOOOOOO im gonna go take a bath now and chillout.

and maybe btw, enjoy the exhilaration of being at the edge of a dream (:

essay test tmr

2008-04-26T22:23:00.004+08:00

omgomgomgomoMGGG. im feeling quite nervous bout tmr's essay. i feel the jitters in my own roooom!!! and im afraid i wont be able to fall aslp tonight.

just read some med students' blogs. and its pretty comforting to see that these people who got through really wanted it with all their heart. i hope tmr im able to sort out my thoughts and write down stuff speedyspeedy!

okay and my brother's acting stupid again.

"look jiejie look! i can play the recorder with my right nostril"

*starts playing a strangely melodic tune with right nostril*

"and now my left nostril."

*proceeds to play with left nostril*

"you see. the sound is less good with my left nostril. This means my right nostril works better."

(i try to hide signs of amusement)

"maybe next time i can try farting. jiejie, you think i should risk my music exam and play with my nostrils??"

(and while im typing all this my mum is pretending to cough like she's gonna die. to scare my bro. and my bro is patting her back vigourously. haha!)

good luck to me and you and the rest of the hearties.

Fast remedy

2008-04-21T01:01:00.007+08:00

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY am i still getting the chills!!!!!!!!!

hello i just faced a stupid fear (:

this kinda fear is

good for.. certain art forms.

it is also evil and.. whats that R word.. RAVENOUS.

i would like to banish it to hell. and beyond.

and attain peace.

I MEAN IT.

butbutbut!! hahahahah. today: Happy day.

Swimming with hanna and nabiha, whom seem to miss me very much. (id like to be humble but its true!!!)

Tea Party for Scones and Caramel Black Tea with my brosie blue- he told me the story line for TENACIOUS D.then we played Fact or Crap.

Prata, and HDB loitering with Elijah Cai - hot keyboardist of Stellastory

not-so-hot bf of monicatan.

(i really hope we Medicine together manssss! I'll go touch kids while you unfuck their minds.)

SO...

5 6 7 8, yes i think today was great!

Farewell sweet world!

Yahoo0000o!

2008-04-19T01:26:00.004+08:00

Elijah told me he got the letter (not surprising), and i didnt think i got one. started to feel panicky and emo then my papa CALLED!!! and he told me i got mail. and i was very very very happy i omgawded around the swimming complex and sat down on a bench to smile to myself for i dont know how long!(: (: (:

its too early to be too happy but i cant help it! i feel like framing up that piece of paperrrrrr (:

Happy Playday day (:

2008-04-17T19:38:00.005+08:00

I've got so much to say bout my very happy birthday which was happiestsappiest at the beginning and the end. but it's gonna be a little long and i need to clear my room then go down to swim. (Made a bet with mika that id swim 20 or else) SO ANOTHER DAY.

okay quick quick.

today at playschool i met little samuel and his mum in the toilet and she told me that the night before while he was lying on the bed with her, he said, "tmr school. teacher monica.. teacher monica.. teacher monica..teacher monica.." all the way until SHE fell aslp. hahah! sounds so weird right! but so terribly adorable!!

Samuel refuses to talk to ANYONE. that day i stood in for a teacher in his class and after class ended Sam and Fifi were like

"did samuel talk to you?"

"nope."

"oh bummer. You'd have made a breakthrough if he did. We've even resorted to holding back his snack to make him speak."

well not that he cant talk. i heard him blabbering to his mummy in hokkien like some beng in the toilet that day. and the moment he saw me, ziiip. silence.

so after his mummy told me (and he kept smiling at me), i thought 'okay. this is my chance.'

So i sat him on my lap, oo-ed and ah-ed over his PlayDay stamp, pointed to his hand and went,

"woooow... you've got a stamp on your foot. you've got a stamp on your foot samuel! look at that. it's on your FOOT."

and he went "H..."

then stopped!

I CAME SO CLOSE.

anw! Here's PlayDays:

and this is so random, but my mummy's beautiful!

T2 i love you

2008-04-16T22:24:00.008+08:00

T2 died today. i hope he's happier now. no fungus on his body, no antiseptic stings, no stupid little box to live in :(

I'm gonna miss my lil' baby warrior turtle. I hope you get lots of sunlight up there (:

We must not let a whole generation go to waste.

2008-04-11T00:35:00.005+08:00

I just watched Idol Gives Back and i feel super weird inside.

There i was feeling an unexplained happiness, getting excited bout the bbq, my birthday.. trying not to think abt getting into medicine (all about memeMEEE).. and there, on the same planet, were people dying of poverty, aids, malaria, and every other little disgusting thing which people like me never have to care about.

I know this sounds damn drama. but im being honest.

suddenly i felt quite childish/self-centered/myopic/somethinglikethat for occupying my day-to-day thoughts with:

I need more clothes.

Toned arms, tight butt, swim more.

I'll die if they dont shortlist me.

My eyebrows are so tiny.

I need to spend more time with grandparents.

Gotta catch up with old friends.

What if i suck at the gig.

My room's a mess.

Why cant i play the guitar yet.

:( not that its wrong, or abnormal for that matter.. but for a moment i felt so caught up in unneccsary things that dont exactly make me happy. i just need to let go of the trivial and count my blessings.

1. My parents and aunties and uncles.

2. My brother who secretly loves me.

3. My bestest girl friends whom i never have to second guess.

4. Nicholas and Songjun who make me laugh

5. Elijah for my little realisations

6. OH! toto for her food, the clothes, the keepingofsecrets.

7. For more than enough food, clothing, opportunities and love i would ever need.

Okay frankly, the main shit in my head right now's about getting into medicine. I know i keep telling myself 'whateverwillbe,willbe.', but the thought of not getting what i want is still gnawing away my insidessss.

I really want to be able to help people in that special way which only doctors can..and i wont deny it, i want to be a hero. But watching all those poor people on tv, and initiatives like 'Malaria No More.', 'keep a child alive', 'Freedom School' reminded me that ultimately, my larger goals in life are more important. And that is to live for something bigger than myself.

But these moments of epiphany are SO FLEEETTTINGGG.

Just now i thought to myself:

"If at 42 i find myself stuck in a day job, secretly obsessed with earning more money, busying myself with raising a family, that'd be quite disappointing."

BUT IT'S SO EASY TO BE A DREAMER WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG AH.

okay ramble ramble.

Today in Playdays i discovered a slight affection for a non-human turtle called T1. Poor reptilieanicasanova's got fungus all over it right now. I just read up about treatment on the net and tmr i will try to save it.

Nonetheless i sense imminent doom.

NUSHURRYCALL.

2008-04-06T20:57:00.011+08:00

today i went to visit the very nice elijah in his very pretty SAFTI camp. and i think i love him very much (:

also saw audrey whom i havent seen in the longest time. Didnt know what to say to her(as usual) so i ended up sounding really dumb.. like, 'hey! i heard you got an asthma attack yesterday!' pfft.

after 4hrs of boonlay sun, I: came home. fell aslp. sun in my face. woke up. HEADACHE.

But i still very like today.

Gonna get a cartoon cake for our willygyee birthday! Figured we might as well get one now.. while willy's still my leeel babybrother and im still a TEEN.

nice right! but its 220$.

"dont want this cake la. I'm not called simone."- stupidwilson.

w i d i t o u b i d t u d

2008-03-30T22:41:00.009+08:00

...honestly, when i was very young i used to think that i was special(: and the rest of the kids my age were like pebbles.

hmm. today:

there were many Zs and i had a WANT for the elusive Mr. Special-feeling.

Megs

2008-03-29T10:27:00.007+08:00

WHY DO I FEEL SO WEARY TODAYYYYY.

yesterday morning was stupid.

supposed to go for the interview. so for the first time in my life i went to find out more about law. (im still set on becoming a doctor. but in the unfortunate unfortanate event that my childhood dream gets binned by the NUS admissions office, i MIGHT do business and law. and MAAAYYYYBEEEE one day, i can offer my legal and business expertise to saving abit of the world)

So i spent like 2 late nights reading and reading.

So i woke up at 8 to eat my bread and read stuff id jotted down/thought through.

So i vexed over what to wear.

So i gave myself a dont-be-nervous pep thought.

SO SU-LIN CALLED AND SAID 'hey monica, arent you coming down today all the kids are here'

SO I SAID 'no, i thought i told you i've got an interview.'

so she said 'but didnt you say...'

So i said 'no. i thought you meant...'

...

SO SHE SAID ' okay.. alright...'

in the most guiltifying way.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So i paced up and down my room feeling like shit, thinking 'fuck.'

i know there's only me and her to handle the class and the kids are like SUGAR-RUSHED ANIMALS. so basically id be leaving her to die and even if it wasnt my fault, it was super feeling like my fault.

super suck.

called in to tell them ive got terrible gastric. bad shape. no good for interiew. can postpone?

"wait for us to contact you." :(

but things became alot better after i dashed into PlayDays like a superhero. The kids were so adorableee!! like more adorable than before. when i was sitting on the blue mat, johnathan ran over, bent down, put his face in front of mine and just STARED (in wonder, i hope.) Then Megan handed me a plastic lettuce to eat. and johnathan poured me a pretend cup of tea with an egg inside. Then megan handed me a tomato and i said 'i dont like raw tomato'. So she said 'okay. boil it?' what a heartmelt!

BUT WHY DO I FEEL SO WEARY TODAYYY :( the repercussions of yesterday morn?

Well i've got places to go but i just feel like sitting at coffeebean by myself with a book and a large cup of double vanilla tea latte. (vanilla lovers you gotta try it!!! okay this is gonna sound gross, but i must say it.- even your burp smells beautiful!)

andandand! just now, i called my auntie in burma to chat. and she told me my auntie in madison called her to tell her (in burmese) " your niece ah... heard frm her dad that she said 1 mth in the same state very boring. Staying at my place with her aunties and uncles who love her so much VERY BORING?! i was feeling happy they're coming over. but now i feel sad and angry. "

i felt like crying you know when i heard that. Sad cos i didnt mean to hurt her feelings, Pissed cos she's thinking too much. cmon! madison isnt exactly the most interesting place. and not like i want to visit different states by myself (and yunpei), i want them around too. GEEZ.

so i explained to my burma auntie, and she was super cute!she told me in english, "dont worry she's not really angry. It's just that at that SPOT she was hurt. you know... just at that SPOT.."

well okay. and byebye its swim time with harSHA!

ignition

2008-03-12T00:12:00.020+08:00

blondie for ONE day and never again i swear.

Here's Findlay, my march heartmelt (: He's so tiny i couldnt bend down enough to get a good pic :(

Megan acting pretty

Here's the magic swimming cap meiling bought me. I feel so happy when i wear it! wilson says it embarrasses him though. haha!

and finally, my best friend <3>

(my hair's coloured back dark and dandy just the way i like it!)

Just caught the leap years with kimberly and i feel like ive been floating on a happylovecloud frm then till now!

Despite kimbo's momentary chuckle at an absolutey heart wrenching scene, i still enjoyed the movie a 100%.

Haven't cried watching a movie for the longest time so when i finally did it felt SO GOOOOD.. I felt all alive again! well not that im a miserable jaded citizen of the world... im actually very huppy right now (:

It was, more accurately, an emotional catharsis in the l-ov-e department. What's catharsis? Reaching an emotional climax which ultimately results in restoration and renewal.

how dramatic.

Anywayy! from now on leap years are gonna be, for the both of us, a you-and-me thing (:

A level results later at 2.30.

2008-03-07T00:30:00.005+08:00

gooosh. im so sleepy but it feels like my last few moments of childhood.. i gotta jot this down. It feels as if from later, a different wind will be blowing my sail. Like...I'll be moving frm Neverland to Singapore .

Ive always acted confident that ultimately i'll get whatever i want. But this time i feel i need to be brutally honest with myself. Im TWITTERING with self doubt. Twittering like a twittering baby chicken on a frosty xmas night.

Some say they cant wait to get back their results, they hate this uncertainty. But i like it :( I like being hopeful, i like being a dreamer. Im scared of having my journey chartered by a piece of paper. So i really really hope with all my heart, that even if my results are like shitcake, i wont feel like my whole sky's turned grey.

Ive always said i believe that ultimately (this is based on my 18yr old optimism), whether we're contented with how we're living our lives really depends on our own determination and initiative. Well at 2.30 i'll be putting this belief to the test.

No feeling sad, Monica. No tears of sorrow. No self pity.

No pridefulness. No stubborness. No jealousy.

No regrets.

Dont become doctor also nvm la okay. There are many other things i want to do. And who knows, if i dont make the grade, i'll have all the more freedom to pursue something else that i might be passionate about. Somemore i dont need to study so hard. More time for a holistic lifestyle (:

talking bout 'many other things i want to do', i need to express some pride and joy in the way my life is breezing along right now!!! (: (: (:

Before this year, i said i didnt want to work for money. Id rather feel like my time's well spent than sit my butt flat on cash. and i think i haven't let myself down. (high five kiddo!!!)

I teach.. ok more like PLaY at a preschool beside my house till noon...

teach swimming to children and ladies after preschool..

(oh i've got a student who works at the zoo! sat with her in the sauna just now after class and chatted for an hour :)

i also work at Haagen Dazs on any free evening

and throw all my happily earned money to speechlevelsinging lessons

and it's kinda weird, but i'll be seeing this insurance agent next week to get a little financially educated (:

almost became a piano teacher on weekends at cristofori but decided i shldnt bite off more than i can chew. I still want time for all the special people in my life!

Oh my attachment to paediatric surgery at NUH was such an experience as well. I saw kids with missing bile ducts, cancer, doublesex, twisted testes, concave chest and every other terrible thing you can think of.

if ever i become a mother, id be crazy thankful if my child came out with every organ in his little body. thankful too if he didnt grow up playing cricket only to find at 17 that that ache in his shoulder was cos of bone cancer.

okay no more sad stuff. and this post's so long but i really want to get things out of my system and on the record.Cos i cant say for sure what later holds and... (okay drama time) who i'll be when the deed's done.

im gonna try my hardest to be stronggg. SLPY TIME!

I'll be the freak you can top

2008-02-28T02:57:00.002+08:00

MJ is SO INTENSE i love him!

Here's dirty diana, my addiction for 2wks and counting.

Pimp Beloved (:

2008-02-27T00:49:00.029+08:00

Here's birthday boy opening his birthday invite

We offered to pay for anything he wanted.

enjoying life.

enjoying the girls. enjoying the scenery.

Handsome entertaining himself during his long moments of darkness

Here's yunnie and i reading out the 19-course appetiser.

Meanwhile, thai girl massages our king.

Affaire du Chocolate... iceberg blossoms...honeytango... sporesunset.. only the best for Wayne Wu!

His gorgeous guiding lights (:

the mini big spread!

My bloodsweat-pie

and finally, PARTY TIMEEE!!!!

...

The reason we live

The reason he lives

our very satisfied and sexy king

Wayne Wu-ney all ready to KICK SOME BALLS!!!

Certified by the Associated Board of the Royal Schools of Manhood to have passed Grade 18 of Manhood with FIRST CLASS HONOURS yo!

Our king blessing partyhouseONE before heading off to partyhouseTWO.

pimpin it up.

prozac creme brulee

and here's to a damn suck birthday.

Sexykang doing his thang!

and finally, my favourite shot (:

what an awesomeawesome day.

HUGS AND SMOOCHIE SMOOCHIES EVERYBUDY!!!!

Finity

2008-02-13T02:05:00.000+08:00

Joy and i went to denise's to jam today, and she showed us this SPH guy's blog. Basically it's about him coping with the loss of his partner. If it weren't for the fact that this guy was gay or that denise had said his writing style was very poetic and poignant, i wouldnt give a damn bout sadistically indulging myself in the depressing (and inevitable). What was meant to be a purely voyeuristic read, however, ended up moving me to tears.

Again, its the power of words and i must say this yenfeng guy is gifted. Most of us probably haven't experienced loss or longing or grief as intense as he has, but nonetheless, we've all felt feelings profoundly unintelligible, intense as intense can be for our age and wisdom.

As an inarticulate, what i read liberated. As an 18 year old, it validated. Validated things ive wondered about, truths id been starting to doubt as i grow older.

Well the blog was a good read,
So i'd like to share it with you (:

...If only we could have boxes for our senses, boxes we could temporarily put away, and come back to every time we feel lonely, or when we need a reminder of those deep feelings that come so rarely in our lives.

CNY 08

2008-02-08T00:59:00.000+08:00

wessexxxx y
191
THE BEST whateveryoucallits!

at the guanyin temple

jessica <333

After some lousy lunch at the only few restaurants open in suntec. and why my brosie like that!

let the children frolick

Mama taking a nap after reading "best bbq recipes"

eheheheheheheheHE.Im super happy today (: (: (: ( :!!!!!!! (:

thought id quickquick put up photos before they get stale.

i hope i stay in spore and i'll have more cnys with the pple i love the most.

till then,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL THE CHINESE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WOOOORRRLLLDDDD

(that's 'happy chinese new yr to all the chinese in the whole wide world!!!!' in webdings )

tribute to tekong boy.

2008-02-05T00:54:00.000+08:00

tekong boy drinks clean water

tekong boy acts cute

Tekong boy says, 'happy birthday to me!!'

tekong boy says 'eh! take my picture like this.'

tekong boy tries his hand at phototaking.and sucks.

tekong boy poses for camera & pretends to be handsome.

tekong boy tries fast food.

and btw, here's fashion in the new millenium.

and btw btw, i found pictures of the good ol' days (:

gosh im so happy today! went shopping with my mum for new year clothes. she took 'urgent leave' just for today(:

im not happy cos of the the many new clothes i bought though (okay maybe a little), but more cos i had a really good chat with my mum. we chilled at nydc from 10 to 12 and she told me bout how she ditched her ex cos he was going out w another girl, how his mum begged her back, how my aunt can curse like an ahlian, how my dad trusted my uncle to the bone, how my grandpa's taxi broke down, how my dad almost bought a shophouse, how he was supposed to fake a marraige to get out of burma, how my uncle and his wife eloped, and many more.

haha my family's more happening than i thought. and at 18, there's really so much i don't understand.

anwayways, had dinner with my mika at keppel bay, some little island very near vivo where the wealthy park their yachts. It's really pretty there, you can walk around the entire island and wish you were rich. Althernatively, you could find a nice patch of grass and make out till the break of dawn.

kidding!

Been thinking of handcuffs

2008-01-30T02:37:00.000+08:00

jessica's 55$ haircut. ?!

lking like a damn burglar!

For nicholas to paste in his locker and own his commando boys(: (:

ok i cant sleep :( the past three days ive been slping at unearthly hours and waking up at 12. I hate waking up late actually, makes me feel like i wasted my whole morning. and frankly, there's a certain cloud of anxiety surrounding afternoons.

so what am i doing?? reading xiaxue's blog.

HAHA. seriously, i think she's really engaging. i think spore needs more people like her.. Unafraid to speak their minds, unafraid to admit they arent exactly gorgeous, or say, "im not putting her solo pic cos i want more attention on me.(hey at least i dont deny it!)"

Even if its not bout the most political, philosophical issues so what? you can come to your own epiphanies reading frivolous rants, seriously.

But enough about my xiaxue enlightenment, its time to wallow in self pity (:

...

My daddy and I, our relationship's very VERY volatile. We're both volcanoes. stupid volcanos. We erupt every day. It almost seems like some NEED. hahah. But the gd thing is things return to normal almost like magic. Even im amazed myself. But then again, i still wish things didnt have to be this way. Having such a strict daddy makes me clam up. I dont feel the same enthusiasm to share whats happening in my life with him as i do with my mum. and many times i have to lie, or tell him half-truths, or not even say anything at all. sometimes my mum helps me keep secrets from my dad, and while its all girl power "mummy-i-love-you-so-much", it feels like some conspiracy against my dad and that's just sad :( I do know fathers feel inadequate (watched it on Oprah), and im sure my dad realises the way i voluntarily tell my mum stuff but not him. When i tell him stuff about my life, it's usually always in vehement self defence..To convince him that whatever im doing's worth it. I guess maybe cos im still 18, still his baby girl. Maybe when im 21 it'll be better (:

okay obviously something happened today.

ANYWAY(:

right now i cant tell if its love or just the hormones. HAHA (hello xt!) like bordering on both. But the more i know the more i love, though. and im learning to count my blessings (:

okay its late, i wont talk bout haagen dazs and swimming and how im working for PEANUTS and a daily scoop of sorbet with hotfudge and rainbow sprinkles. thankyou for the fattieS gdnight!!!

public health

2008-01-18T02:59:00.000+08:00

my bumming around led me to amandatee's you tube videos i dont know why the hell i think she arouses my lesbian tendencies HAHA. kidding. it made me really really really miss performing though.

Im still waiting for THE gig. Always end up getting so caught up trying to get the song right that i forget to soak up the moment. and that kinda screws everything up...music's meant to be liberating to begin with, isnt it?

other than the stupid essays and that incessant worrying bout my As, i think my life is pretty perfect right now (: IM SO GLAD IM A GIRL (:

Let me do some vacuum packing again. im not too found of lengthy paragraphs.

Haagen Dazs has been nice the people there are so joyful! At least now i know what to equip my liquer ice cream shack with (opens in 2026) . But then again liquer is really hard to freeze. that's why tiramisu melts so fast see now you know! But whatever. I'll worry bout that in 2023.

My swimming career has yet to be realised. Still training with ladykiller alex (call 91997194 for fun please!) I cant wait to suck the money out of ladies and childrens and let danielsingh suck it out of me.

The interviewer at the US embassy told me i look like a dangerous criminal. wow funny

Papa's blood sugar level is very high so he's eating healthy. so my entire family is eating healthy. so we're all happier now (:

Wilson got accused of hacking into the schl's comp. haha seriously man, he's monica's brother. IT savvy does NOT run in the family. anyway, the school finally realised that too so they're issuing him a letter of apology. and he's very excited (:

okay im too absorbed by youtube

eric arceneaux - speech level singing

for the 4.50/hr labourers.

tobacco tin

2008-01-11T02:04:00.000+08:00

I feel a little scared about later.
Dont want that feeling creeping back..
That stupid familiar painful feeling i keep somewhere at the back of my mind
Hoping itd just DIE.

but other than that, another tour YAY!

tekong zoo.

2008-01-10T00:32:00.000+08:00

sent elijah off with his family today. Thought id feel damn awkward but it turned out to be pretty fun. Saw him in a new perspective and i love it (:

Emmanuel was telling me bout how spoilt their dog is cos it cant do any tricks..always freaked out by rain..thunder... cats and mice all. Then his mum went all punk saying " Tricks for WHAT. happy can already. Most important is happy. No matter what you do." and she said the same philosophy went for her kids. "my mum just wanted me to pass my Os.." haha.and now one's in law the other scores so many Apples. Im thankful my parents arent so happening though, id go buffalo wild with 'happy-can-already' (:

The other i got so pissed with my folks over my curfews (reporting to them where im going every day's such a horrifying experience) i super wished i could move out. i thought bout how if i slogged my months away scooping ice cream and teaching swimming id be able to earn enough to rent myself a nice place. like a smaller unit in the block opposite mine(not too far frm them!). but seriously. i can slog till my limbs drop and id still be stuck at in #04-09. So i called helphotline kimberly to knock some anger out of me and i was happy again. She just reminded me that with the prospect of studying overseas, or simply the passing of time:(, i shld treasure just having them around, nagging and all but SUCK IT IN.

and my mum was saying how i should help out around the house and learn how to be a LADY. so i learnt how to cook frm toto!!! my ahgong got very excited that i was cooking, and i was excited bout my ahgong being excited and therefore the pork was pretty good (: Tmr pohxt and i going to nicholas's house to cook for him as a farewell-commandoboy gift.. that lucky bitch.

and so many many many things have happened i dont know where to start so i shall stop.

or start a little bit. hahah!

other highlights:

classchalet

nye party at denise's was crazy fun. like some punk rock concert ..heyheeeeeeey (:

told my mummy, mummy didnt flip.

job hunting with kimbo

dancing with the girls

cheering for Hwa Chong

listening to songjun

therapeutic phone convo with yunnie

goldclass lunch with nicholas - strawberry pop tarts with chicken spread, mini cucumbers, ikan bilis, fresh garlic, french onion chips and baileys on mickey's face.

and i love K H (:

anyway, i want/need to :

fund my daniel singh vocal lessons (crazy guy's friends with teachers of led zep, michael jackson, vertical horizon!)

Get many swimming classesspend more time at home (yet catch up with wonderful peeps like reub and fadzri :( )

eat healthy

slp early

PUT AN END TO MY PROCASTINATORIK STREAK.

PERFECT

2007-11-25T20:31:00.000+08:00

hot hot. happy happy. EXAMS OVER I DONT FEEL LIKE BLOGGING ANYMORE but i still wanna keep track of all the shit in my head.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so many many many plans. too little little little money. hahahahah.

three people asked me to help them in prom shopping already i HATE shopping now but i couldnt say no. life size barbiewomen/man. exciting ah! it's time i started charging.

and beach touch is the rockest. didnt win but the oldies felt we played one of our best games today and i wasnt scared at all! which is a superrarity.

andandand. he's (:
we'll.. see how it goes!

last thing! okay no time. gotta watch batman with my gutless baby brother.

Try to put it to bed but it chases

2007-09-21T22:59:00.000+08:00

we live in a meritocratic country. there's nothing to be ashamed of.

my bestest pal to be.

aiyo. like that how to be prom king you tell me.

one handsome pic for you, nicholas. no more

i really need a guitarist. right now. by my side.

it always feels like nothing else matters and that's as close as i can get.

just now i looked up and saw a really really tiny star, the kind that seems to go "damnit you found me!" hahaha. i know one wish for one star, but i really couldnt make up my mind so i wished two wishes. they were such stupid wishes i think wasted the star. i wonder if "i wish to be happy" is a wish. shouldnt be right.. it's like a pseudo one-wish. cheat.

anw hairspray was awesome it made me feel SO HAPPY (:i wish my specs could play it on my lens.

well, sometimes you think it's the movie, but it's just you.. and the person next to you.

or vice versa.

btw, im changing my url to luewis.blogspot.com the next time i blog

so whoever, just fyi.

Be glad you nose is on your face

2007-09-20T10:28:00.000+08:00

A Life by Sylvia Plath

Touch it: it won't shrink like an eyeball,

This egg-shaped bailiwick, clear as a tear.

Here's yesterday, last year ---Palm-spear and lily distinct as flora in the vast

Windless threadwork of a tapestry.

Flick the glass with your fingernail:

It will ping like a Chinese chime in the slightest air stir

Though nobody in there looks up or bothers to answer.

The inhabitants are light as cork,

Every one of them permanently busy.

At their feet, the sea waves bow in single file.

Never trespassing in bad temper:

Stalling in midair,

Short-reined, pawing like paradeground horses.

Overhead, the clouds sit tasseled and fancy

As Victorian cushions. This family

Of valentine faces might please a collector:

They ring true, like good china.

Elsewhere the landscape is more frank.

The light falls without letup, blindingly

.A woman is dragging her shadow in a circle

About a bald hospital saucer.

It resembles the moon, or a sheet of blank paper

And appears to have suffered a sort of private blitzkrieg.

She lives quietly

With no attachments, like a foetus in a bottle,

The obsolete house, the sea, flattened to a picture

She has one too many dimensions to enter.

Grief and anger, exorcised,

Leave her alone now.

The future is a grey seagull

Tattling in its cat-voice of departure.

Age and terror, like nurses, attend her,

And a drowned man, complaining of the great cold,

Crawls up out of the sea.

i like the last two lines.

shit i feel like shit now. i think i screwed up my prelims. hello LT3.

got like no mood to go watch what movie la.

my mum says im studying too doggedly and things are gonna fall out of my brain sooner or later. "you should relax.. sitting there for 5 hrs straight is not the way. go swim.. gym.. clear your cupboard. folding your clothes is a form of relaxation too you know."AHH

On the first day of prelims i fell aslp on the car and dreamt that instead of our gp paper we had huge slabs of chee cheong fan on our table.

i might have scored better for cheecheongfan.

:((((( its alright moni!!!!!!!!

my mum just took out one of our ridiculously many fengshui books and now she's finding out the best position for me to sit and study. turns out i have been facing the opposite direction all this while. aiyo this feels kinda pathetic..haha.

UGH. anyway, that day while i was studying i suddenly thought about how 'once upon a time' is actually a very beautiful phrase. its like you're riding a magic carpet called time. (hahah bullshit.)but something like that ya. and it just kept on playing in my head onceuponatime.. wansaponatime... wansa ponner time..wanser ponner time. WUN SIR PON SIR TIMESER! by then it didnt feel so beautiful anymore hahaha.

okokok pretty little birds sat on my window and they told me i dont have to worry so it's time for a haircut!

chowchow.

firewater lake

2007-09-14T19:51:00.000+08:00

gosh i just came back from like 5hrs of bumming at Dempsey. It's an amazing place. lots of green, lots of space, very high ceilings.. i think i really needed it.

went with the touch girls to celebrate zuoj's birthday.liane, momo, waiyee, jasmine, olivia, yunpei... It's been a long time since i spent time with them, and i almost forgot how much i enjoy their company(: I think it's kinda pathetic but haha.. the most intellectual, engaging conversations i've ever had this year (other than with, maybe, kim) have been on touch chillouts. Jasmine starts pondering out loud something like.. "don't you find laughter amazing? Like how feeling amused can trigger this mechanism that makes you erupt in a sound." yeah. something like that.. and it'll lead to this whole conversation bout how there's a difference between being holy and mature (wth right.), bout the brink of death, the afterlife. ..Jasmine believes in a soul, a possible continuation of the spirit into a realm of perfection, a higher level to anticipate, even. But I kinda think we simply just vanish. and i think life's more beautiful that way.

Jas told us this line from a book, "there's a neccessary joy in watching a bird fly to eat."
cos freedom and feed dont always intermingle. ohno i really dont want to end up in the shenton way crowd! If i reach this stage in my life where im discontented i really hope i find in myself the strength to rise out of purgatory. We were saying all the adults around us dont exactly seem to have very fulfilling lives but they probably had big dreams like us.. and look where they're now.

"you know..maybe they dont even know their dreams are broken."one step at a time and unknowingly, you end up getting pushed along a current you never hoped for.

"yeah. or maybe they're just postponing their dreams."

till never.

i wonder where i'll be. my dreams are simple (ithink.)
-gynae/obstetrician/paediatrician.. somewhere along.
-a loving family with the most beautiful kids.(i think my womanly instincts are surfacing. haha i want to like take my kids to the science centre, read to them, take them to plays, take them to do community work. yea!)
-um, liquor ice cream cafe.
-books and music.

all those fluff i talk bout like mega yachts and whatnots.. dont think i really want them anymore.

and we talked bout how there's so much truth when Bianca from Othello said "i must be circumstanced." She brought out this point bout how to love someone you have to allow yourself to be circumstanced, lose control, feeble yourself.
Iago(the antagonist) always goes on bout how he's holding the reigns, but he never knows love, cause love and being circumstanced have to converge.
Super true huh.love's like freefall.

anyway, there're like so many random things in my mind in constant flux. Like how i think a trumpet solo resonating in a hall can be like the most beautiful thing in the world. cos for that moment it's like the only stream of sound in the universe. and there's this..honesty, in its singleness. i cant pinpoint the feeling. Anyway, jasmine really amazes me cos she's able to put all these thoughts into the rightest words and its really nice listening to her because she puts it so nicely and i think 'yeah! that's it." i think i need to read more. my vocabulary is like how freakin small. sometimes i feel like a prisoner.

oh and along the way we exchanged disgusting stories like how liane's mum put her chicks into the toaster oven cos they looked cold... and they were never cold again :( and how someone actually feels betrayed (??!) when she knows her parents are makin luv. ahaha.

That said, i gotta get back to reality.
mug time.

high interest rates in boyfriend like actor person.

2007-09-09T20:21:00.000+08:00

i just caught the first fifteen minutes of highschlmusical2 and omg i wanna be madly deeply truly in love haha! with a guy like troy bolton. "your summer activities consultant here (:" (yes please!)

anyway, i just checked the timetable yesterday and it feels like the next two weeks are gonna be MAD. i hope it flys by.. yet holds out long enough for me to study amply. and during a nap today i dreamt of eating a popsicle that was made out of ice from the HIMALAYAS super cool!grape flavoured somemore eh!

well, good luck to me (and all my friends) for tmr.
love you world, be nice to me (and everyone i love)(and maybe those i dont love too much)
goodnight (:

yea tell me that you're alright!

2007-08-26T12:59:00.000+08:00

found some happy photos while lking for songjun's promkingtobe photos(:

be strong Mons!

Curious is dead. its time to party my friends!

2007-08-10T00:15:00.000+08:00

dr lin and dr tan and nothing to do

the ndp bitches yo!

staying alive

"shit i look like a chink." - dear james

after rush hr three

aiyo my cam like so dirty.

papa and mama forevermore <3

gosh i think im going through serious hormonal changes. Yesterday my sense of self was at the brink of evanescence and today IM BACK (:

okie dokie. gdnight world. and happy birthday Singapore!!!

Ai ni duo duo (:

BIG GULP is my godsend.

2007-08-08T23:20:00.000+08:00

My determination failed me yet again.

wasnt supposed to go to sentosa but yi en just had to ask "eh! can get rugby ball?" and my wall of resolution CRUMBLED! $881$*@#&. in the end we didnt play touch just volleyball for 4 hrs. HOT.

so i ended up going to the beach looking FREAKIN NOOB. pple wearing bikinis, tanks, shortshorts looking all hot and monicatan wearing her hwa chong pe attire with track shoes looking even hotter. i was like a bloody traffic light la with my green bag.

Oh we saw the how-can-anyone-be-so-hot hot teri tan and her almost-as-hot hot friend. The whole bunch of us were ogling at the whole bunch of them on the monorail. Later on, we heard her tell eugene "ohh.. so they're your friends. they kept looking at us just now." AH. hahahha. bloody hwachongians. we made ourselves lk like bread-and-butter minions once again.

But hey! we make pple feel good bout themselves..so i guess that's a good thing(: 2 pats on the back 63!

anyway, i reallly REALLy wanna study hard this time round. I know i always always always say i want to study hard but i never put in 100%. all my life i think.

but this time it's gonna be different ok!

im determined to be determined and hopefully it pays off! (my toes and fingers crossed with a cherry on top)

and thank god there's no more schl for the rest of this week. i wldnt have survived it. This week FeelingStressedOut brought along its best friend, Antisocial. S-U-C-K-SSS. . ive always valued sincerity but i find myself smiling and pretending to be happy when i talk to some people. maybe it's more of ctrllingyourshitmood rather than insincerity.. but it makes me feel like a bad person :(

and i wished i were more of the outright caring kinda person, but im not so sweet(esp when im stressed) and i cant help it! and seeing people like stelly being so loving 24/7 to the people around her just makes me feel like a lazy/ungrateful/dontknowhowtotreasurepple kinda person im thinking too much again.

and i got a call today but i told them i need to consider. On one hand i feel very insecure bout myself (Today), but on the other im thinking, 'just be spontaneous la you bitch.'

a trip to sentosa and i conclude that almost all the girls in my class have nice big boobs. it's okay.. i have nice big feet (:

and this entry is too long for my liking RUSH HOUR THREE tmr (:::

probabilitili.

2007-08-02T22:37:00.000+08:00

Last night i dreamt up my own horror movie.

My grp of friends and i got into some trouble and were being punished. Usually we'd get hit on our hands, but the teacher in charge that day was nice and young so she showed us a horror movie instead.

The movie was called Puppet Hand. and it was about this female ghost who had this prisoner girl on a hospital bed whom she'd screw every day.(wth). anyway, since she was a 'screwer', there was this scene in the movie where she start twirling horizontally like a screw driver. The girl was facked so bad she just lay there eyes wide open, deliriously skinny. Kinda like a rag doll with very little stuffing. She had a short bob and red lipstick smeared all around her mouth. and midway through i suddenly became part of the movie.(GREAT.) and i had to open my stupid mouth and insult the ghost. ended up screaming and being chased by her.. so exciting right? no. anyway, again, it was my dream so everything worked in my favour. all i had to do was scream IM SORRRRYYY! and she stopped chasing.

then i dropped back out of the movie (not before running to that ghost's bookshelf trying to steal a book), and walked out of the flat telling aiwen what a scary movie it was.

so much for sleeping early.

curiosity killed the cat.

2007-08-01T23:10:00.000+08:00

im guessing presidents live veryvery troubled lives.

on my way to schl the other morning i suddenly wondered what a morning for an acclaimed musician would be like, and how theyd feel when they get up in the morning.

and i just received an sms
which didnt say much.
but i want to change my pencil box because suddenly the whole world, one beach, and three coconut trees have it too.

sometimes things throb at the edge of consciousness and when im happy enough, my defense mechanisms work very well. but id like to remember all my notes though, they could fill up my entire psyche for all i care(for now). that would be very nice (:

Rja.

2007-08-01T00:16:00.000+08:00

face down in the dirt she said

This doesnt hurt

Riding the highs

2007-07-29T22:36:00.000+08:00

yo.

fadzri sir
(or more fondly known as.. SLAAASSSHH >=(

wilson does his homework

while i eat my cake (:

white triple-fat chocolate macadamia

madeinsingapore.savewater.madeinsingapore.

blue for artemis
H for Haha

This is what henry park's been teaching my brother

The apprentice.

shit we're hot.

bet you couldnt tell we were chinesedancing

The justice league

Our first take! dont know why im so thrilled bout jumping pics.

enough.

i feel so happy sia. and shit sia. i think i just got addicted to a word 3 hrs ago. while doing thermo i was talking to myself pretending to be a mud and i dont know how sia came out sia. my thought bubbles also all end with sia right now SIA.

ohoh!!! denise said she talked to the guy frm bnj's at dempsey there and he said we can do an acoustic set at the end of the year YAHOO! hahahha.

motivation to mug.

search party

2007-07-28T00:58:00.000+08:00

yahoo my tingalingapaprikas check it out i stayed awake in most of my tutorials this week!

pretty bad hairdays, decent concentration and no 3hr naps = a pretty good week!

Y P P A H :)

AND i found a university i want to go to!! and i realised i really like talking to yuxiang! pre post tuition. haha.

i dont want to stay in singapore anymore, i'll prolly get more jaded as the years pass.

SO YEAH cant wait! i really hope yummy and i make it there.. get some Standford sun, smell some standford flowers, eat some standford burgers, pile on some standford fat. (::

and best yets, my gut feeling came true this week! National day tickets just fell onto my lap AGAIN. i dont even have to ask la. actually its just the preview. but sama ya! to think i even thought of entering that 'mybestfriendandi' contest to try to win tickets. thank you fadzri i bubbled some smiles through the air molecules pass the flyover under the papaya tree i hope you felt them!

(: and tooday before some talk i went up to the toppest level of the LT block to stone alone. id always hated the colours in hwach and how everything seems so dated. I didnt even think it was like charmingly vintage you know. the place seemed... stuck in purgatory? dont know how to say la. but today hwach felt very different, like a night in march. As i looked up at the huge stained windows, the mismatched brownredyellowandblue, i couldnt help but feel it was all so beautiful. I started picturing secrets crouching in corners, people appearing... disappearing, yet forever there, doing the same things over and over. everything turns into a photograph, the photograph turns grey. im looking at the photograph, wishing i were there, then putting it away.

maybe it was a a little too quiet and nostalgia was hitting me a little too early. aiyo i think im weird. but i was really feeling the place man!so hey.

Peculiar Chris

2007-07-22T20:38:00.000+08:00

every sunday On MrTeo @ Noble House

weixing lkin all glamour glamour

Mr Teo's rockstar undies. sexy inside out yo.

Mr teo, our personal photographer

each person got a shot. how nice right!

Here's sj and cx basking in the limelight

Artemis Activity I/Cs 06,07

daddy's watching (:

pre post play talk

at the computer now

haha yes. narc.

Section 377A (outrages on decency) states that:

Any male person who, in public or private, commits, or abets the commission of, or procures or attempts to procure the commission by any male person of, any act of goss indecency with another male person, shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 2 years.

welcome to singapore.

I watched this amazing amazing play today at the library drama centre. Happy endings by Alfian Sa'at. It's a play about homosexuals and what it means for a society to come of age.

"How do we know love? When does the personal become political? What is at stake and what is our responsibility? when happiness is so rare, what can or should we do to protect it?"

- Ivan Heng, artistic director (he lks like a very adorable person!)

Many homosexuals leave Singapore for a country where they can 'come out', have a family of their own, have children to outlive them, basically, go to somewhere they can be true to themselves and still be treated with respect. and then there are those who choose to become someone else, learn to love a woman, convinced that that's the only way they'll ever be accepted.

Self denial yes, but it's an easier option than pursuing forbidden love. this whole idea of forbidden love just irritates me. gay community:forbiddenbylaw love. Mainstream community, forbiddenbywtf love. We dont know what we've got man.

There was this character in the play, kenneth. Left his bf, got married, had kids, divorced, and came back to spore to give talks on how he managed to become straight

"when being gay doesnt make you happy"

The guy was still very much in love with his ex bf though.

Seemed liked he was the audience of his own talks, the person he needed to convince.

sad :(

Anw, like Mrs ang said, "pple are very stupid la. talking about what..better to have loved and lost. But if you're a person who believes in the experience then i guess it's true."

Well i guess for a gay in singapore, who you can love is governed by the law. And going through the experience of heartache again and again must be lethal.

..so there are those who leave home, those who try to change, and those who give up on love altogether.

You take this business of homosexuality. It raises tempers all over the world, and even in America. If in fact it is true - and i have asked doctors this - that you are genetically born a homosexual because that's the nature of the genetic random transmission of genes, you can't help it. So wjhy should we criinalise it?... It's a genetic variation. So waht do we do? I think we pragmatically adjust, carry our people. Don't upset them and suddenly upset their sense of propriety and right and wrong... So you have to take a practical, pragmatic approach to what i see is an inevitable force of time and circumstance.

- 21 April 2007 - Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew speaking at a wkend meeting with the youth wing of the PAP

"They tell me and anyway it is probably half-true that homosexuals ar creative writers, dancers, etc. If we want creative people, then we got to put up with their idiosyncrasies so long as they don't infect the heartland... We are not promoters of it (homosexuality) and we are not going to allow Singapore to become the vanguard of Southeast Asia."

- 24th April 2007 - Minister Mentor Lee Kan Yew speakeing at the Reuters Newsmaker event

im confused. haha. no way i could run my own little country.

...

After all the turmoil, it's back to the beach

sky

holding hands..

The space between their palms is theirs.

Then somebody walks pass

and they let go.

But that moment, no matter how fleeting, was happiness.

joyful, moving, familar, and very real.

It's reallyREALLY worth catching, 40 bucks for a good seat. ohoh! Ian Mckellen aka magneto aka king Lear sat infront of us today. Charmaine (han) was like "i brought a camera i brought a camera i want to TOUCH HIM!!!"

haha yeah. go watch. I promise you laughter, emancipation, and for the inloves/inloved, tears for every emotion (:

In Transit

2007-07-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

traumatic week
one connection
two.
schl food sucks
where im at
the only way's up.
harry potter was nice
and apparently onlyi think so
no nano. hate music for now..today.
checked out the website
looks pretty good
a change would be very nice

& finally,
a little more control (:

"we're out of bad weeks, howd you like a gd week instead(:"

yea why not

GUCCINI! i heard bout yp's dream please take care alright!

we wanna go over to nz after As but dont know how yet la.

and come come to singapore super super soon pls.

just saw your graffiti in hwach the other day.

leaving a legacy huh. hahha

miss you (:

shithead.

2007-07-16T22:31:00.000+08:00

bah.

ba black sheep.

ah stressed like fack.

and i read this magazaine article by this woman bout how she got so desperate for her husband and his attention and 'how it used to be' that she let herself pay him for sex.

" only if you pay me for it.."

sounded casual but he wasnt kidding.

the morning after he reminded her to transfer the money into his account.

2 mths of loveless sex, faked orgasms and quite a sum of money later,

he bought his mistress a diamond ring.

sweet.

i feel like slapping him la.

hey mama. we all go to hell.

2007-07-13T20:15:00.000+08:00

all week

it's that time of the year again.

im feeling very very boring.

i even bore myself.

WEI SHE ME LIKE THIS :(

& i feel like asking dear neighbour to take me for a ride around, but its like exploitation.

The devil on my left's screaming "Hey! Bitch it up!" though..

how how

how.

2007-07-10T01:12:00.000+08:00

listen to hum hallelujah by fallout boy!

it's amazing.but i dont know what the hell that guy's singing his pronunciation's damn TSK. I just know it makes me feel so omg-my-eyes-are-open-again, my heart's doing somersaults, and i just wanna run! haha.. cause' things arent all going the way i want it to, but its not too bad.. better than okay.. perfect in its own imperfect way (: haha. really! i dont know how to describe it, i just know it's MY FAVOURITE RUSH.

and it's kinda sweet.. if you dont know what he's saying. All you hear's the good stuff:

I could write it better than you ever felt it
So hum hallelujah
Just off the key of reason
I thought I loved you
It was just how you looked in the light
A teenage vow in a parking lot
Til tonight do us part
I sing the blues And swallow them too

but it was just how you lked in the light.. haha. whyd they have to spoil it like that!

2007-07-08T23:32:00.000+08:00

omg i love it when it rains

...stood at my window
closed my eyes
breathed in,
out
open...
and for a moment i felt so overwhelmed
like i was gonna crumble, fall and disappear.

evanescence

i hope it's pouring when i wake up tmr morning (:

X sushi.

2007-07-06T20:34:00.000+08:00

did you know that roald dahl's favourite colour was yellow

and that he had his friend build him a little white cottage with a yellow door.

He wrote in that cottage, never dusted the place, and never let anyone in.

also, roald dahl meant for James and the Giant Peach to be called James and the Giant Cherry.

offstage

2007-07-04T20:33:00.001+08:00

It rained and the tank filled up again today.I read kim's letter, and found a lid to cover it this time so no more water gets in. It'll take let's say... a mth more - showers, baths, dishes, laundry, and the tank will run dry.

because what is this.. a showcase?
my sadistic indulgence?

monica dont be stupid.
There's so much so much more..

& on this just-another wednesday evening,
it's going to be extra special
super sweet
and very real.

'cause i'll be jumping right in

and falling to the beginning (:

i'll be electric soon with all that flux. HOT.

2007-07-03T21:20:00.000+08:00

This afternoon was tough.

so i wrote a song, called "sir, you're sitting on my flowers".

ha. Might as well.

Anw cant wait to work something out with denise again tmr(:

and i found this girl's blog, i think she's very like me. Just that she takes the path of least resistance..but I think the path of least resistence is painful.so im fighting.

well id like to be her friend.. i think we could reallly hit it off. unless we're... circumstanced of course.

hahah. dont bother to comprehend.

Great uncertaintyty on Chua Planet

2007-07-01T22:26:00.000+08:00

postuitionwyuxiang

psychedelica sinisterita paprika vanillala MONICA

Felt a little :( today so i tried to sleep.
ive been sleeping tola tola yesterday and today

haha

dont know if it's cos im 1)tired
2)Lazy 3)sick of thinking

but after i woke up i was :) again. okay more like.. :/

then i told myself "get a grip!! stop being such a disgusting sloth.", so i announced to my family
"IM GONNA STUDY PROPERLY NOW >=[ "
& i did, and felt :)er.

AND i tend to think alot when im studying. Not thinkmaththink kinda think. more like thinkcrapthink kinda think. NOT gd.
but today was different, thoughtcrapthoughts and suddenly kachingching!
..slight emancipation.

yahoo!

escapade

2007-06-30T02:19:00.000+08:00

orchard hotel for hightea(OMG).

allow me to elaborate... waffles with 6 syrups, 4 kinds of honey for your honey drink, sushi, scones, mangomoussecake, cheesecake, fruit-cheese-chocolate cake, pandankayacake, dimsum, glutinous rice, 8 kinds of tea, fondue, ice cream with 8 toppings to choose from, mini tuna croissants, whateveryoucallits and more.

there's this cafe, the second level's a mini movie theatre with all kinds of sofas/funny chairs. our model miss neo here is sitting on one such seat. In front of her would be the mini big-screen.

miss neo is now modelling one of the 123456 fine vintage dresses from japan which we could not 123456 resist to purchase.

Pretenders. tsk.

spot the fake carpet!

the magnifying-glass necklace. wowzers.

knickknacks,willywacks.

moni, grandpapa, shopowner's daughter (her dad brings in all the vintage dresses from japan how funky cant stand it!), and miss neo.
home time.

Im absolutely

im living on a kinky red dot!

2007-06-28T22:58:00.000+08:00

my gut feeling bout miraculously doing well for blocks is so not miraculously happening.

haha

nvm. BREAK TIME (:

We're bored of and too broke for town, so kimkini and i are exploring Arab street and haji lane tmr!

checked the net on arab street and there was all this hype bout hubble bubble(sheesha)... thought 'ok sounds fun'. so i went to find out more and no way am i hubble bubbling, it's like equivalent to smoking 18 cigarettes yo! except there're like so many flavours to choose from. if they had vanilla id be like... faaack.

Some places i wanna go to:

(okay gonna do some surfing and listing)

Chin Mee Chin confectionary for Breakfast

Wala Wala for some music and chillout

Colbar at Wessex for airconless tete-a-tete

Xi Yan at Craig Rd for dinner "You can’t order your nosh off a menu as the chef cooks whatever he pleases and dinner commences at 7.30pm. Sharp." aiyo cant stand it.. so exciting.

Majestic Hotel for the weekend when money is many

Hangout @ Mt. Emily when money is not so many

(Majestic's a boutique hotel with a bath tub right smack in the middle of your suite how cool is that?!)

Haji lane for vintage finds "so hip it hurts... it's down time with a difference"

wow. haha hurt me pls!

The French Stall for a kiss (and high tea:)

Dempsy Road for that PS cafe

Rochester Park to kia kia

And there're so many more i cant list them all down! ..didnt know i was living in such a damn happening place (::

OMG SINGAPORE'S SUCH A TURN-ON RIGHT NOW.

study party

2007-06-26T23:20:00.000+08:00

suck it in suck it in!

it's almost over it's almost over!

Dickhead and Gorgeous Tan.

2007-06-21T21:20:00.000+08:00

1am lifesource
no more hotcakes for me for a long time

^ idiot mugger^

he cant stop talking bout how cool he is now! hahah

(im cool too.)
"wah jiejie! we look like superheroes you know!" ahah. yeah sure.

and so we got happier

and happier

and happierest (:

i like it when i say "i feel like eating hotcakes" and i really go get my hotcakes... "i wanna go toiletry shopping" and i really go toiletry shopping..."i really wanna ace my blocks without trying too hard" and hahah.. i really ace my blocks.

i dont usually actually get down to satisfying my sudden cravings. hahah this week i feel.. accomplished. when i grow up, i wanna be a madam monica who'll.. um, get down to doing all the little things she wants to do as soon as possible..something like that.

but then again, life doesnt usually turn out the way you want it to.. so nope. i dont wanna be no cravingsatisfyingmadamonica.. i wanna be a 9-5 lonely salary earner with no private jet, no mega yacht, no sexykindheartedintelligenthandsome husband.

im hoping on monday Mr Ang will go "dear wa chong, you have been foolt, there are not going to be any block tests, we just wanted everybody to start revising for As early. you may all go shopping now :] :) =) =] "

plsssss.

A*

2007-06-20T20:28:00.000+08:00

toto at your service <3 align="center">:) :D 0- <3> [= <3210>

befour fantasticfore

toiletry shopping

the road out

the road home

toiletries do wondeerrrs. bathing's my cocaine now and i feel so happy after my baths!!! like i cant wipe the smile off my face. really! i hope this novelty lasts.. im like desperate for simple pleasures.

went to macs to study with nicholas chia today. on the journey there i dont know what came over me. I guess its like.. an emotional detox. nice and not nice. neccessary?

couldnt help but wonder if we're in different worlds living the same lives.

next year i'll probably be gone so i might as well deal with it now. miss you, miss me, miss this, miss that, whatever. we choose the turns. i chose mine.. i chose again.sometimes i think i made the wrong choices. but then again, i think if i never made the wrong choices i'd never know what's right. and i'll just be stuck in purgatory.. i dont want purgatory.purgatory would turn into hell. hell no..i wanna go up there.

well there comes a point when you make enough wrong choices, so you make a right one. and where it goes from there, it's all fate. all for the best. so no regrets (:

aiyo, so i guess im saying wrong choices are right choices? and dogs are cats? and noodles are coconuts? hahah

it's an emotional day. must be the showercream.

anyway i've been having this feeling that im gonna do very well for my blocks even if i dont study.

self delusion or what

(i hope it's true!)

i miss qingyi

Releasing

2007-06-18T21:26:00.000+08:00

" April 16, 2007I am forever trying to catch up with my 365 shots these days. Here's Monday. And here's to Releasing.

This photo is not the best.. some focus would be nice, right?... But it's the thought that counts, so just for this day I'll forget about the details. This photo is inspired by and dedicated to Dyxie and myself, and anybody else who's in need of letting go of whatever it is that needs to be released to make him/herself a better, truer, more peaceful soul. Is that you, too? What would you release? Why don't you?

In this photo I am throwing dried flower petals from my Cathedral roses that I grew, cut, and dried last year. They are speaking, metaphorically, for what I'm really releasing, of course. The petals are beautiful to smell, hold, look at, and remember -- but even more beautiful to let go. Note the dorky smile. "

someone just showed me this beautiful site

prettyness.

the grinch that stole our JUNE HOLIDAYS.

2007-06-18T20:37:00.000+08:00

i bet im not the only one lookin so glum yo!
what's the work done in bringing my cheek from infinity to my dining room?

Fig. 1

i got so zonked i wrote E on my notes wrongly. Refer to Fig.1.

dont think i can finish studying but i super need to chill outtttt.

so im going toiletry shopping at marks and spencer tmr i hope they've got vanilla-something!!

and i wish i had a car so mtv could PIMP IT :(

and yes. every single day.

Where's her fifteen dollars??!

2007-06-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

IVE GOT THIS HUGE CRAVING FOR

hutcakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i had a super weird dream yesterday.

I was on the bus with this guy.. i cant really rmb his face, but he gave me this familiar yet unfamiliar feeling i think . Anyway, it was kinda cold on the bus so i took his hand. and after like half a minute, this angmoh old lady on his right took his other hand and smiled sweetly at him. then she lked at his palm and said to me " he's a stingy man." and we were like "oh. okay."

we waited for her to tell us more..and i rmb thinking "great. im with a stingy guy." ..But that's besides the point. the point is after that the three of us continued holding hands (wth right.) haha felt kinda cute to me.

okay after some time, she went "fifteen dollars please". and when we didnt give her the 15$ she just went bloody hysterical! " give me my fifteen dollars! you cheat my money ! WHERE"S MY FIFTEEN DOLLARS!?" that crazy woman was like clawing at us and all la! and guess what the best thing was? i was wearing this tube dress and she pulled it off for a sec. (fuckin embarassing.) but luckily in my dreams everything goes my way and my dress was magically back on in no time! anyway, with the help of all the passengers, we managed to restrain that old witch and chase her off the bus.

I rmb watching her walk away.. and suddenly under her arms was this huge brown furry dog.

then my dream morphed and i was watching a play, and picking dessert with denise!

yumyum.

THE END.

chapter 3

2007-06-13T21:10:00.000+08:00

hey mama!

hiding in chesa's room getting all giggly and stupid.

T-B-G (::

MC MARK.

mon-ise

i kinda hated the most of yesterday. but i loved last night.

we lay down on the rooftop and looked up at the sky..

i wasnt thinking bout anything in particular.

xiangting was exploring songjun's abs. (ahah.)

And chesa was just dontknowhating.

i want to narrate out everything that happened yesterday..cos ive been very forgetful bout what's been happening recently. that time shaun asked "mons, what'd you do yesterday?" and i just totally blanked out for quite sometime.sssooper irritating. BUT no la.. no narrating. im not good at narratives, 'cause i aint no bitch. hahha.. okaystop it moni.

ok i'll just leave myself some snippets for the recollect..

xt came over at 7 in the morn to paint the shirts.

haha we might as well have given her kitchen towels. one shirt was totally SMOTHERED, the other was for a FatCheresa.

xiangting went "hey lk! im holding spongebob's hand!"

"ohno. shit..."

"harh why"

"aiyO! okayokay i'll hold your hand!"

xt and i cantwait for the FERRIS WHEEL.

things have changed.. but still!

& songjun msged me this morning telling me he's never felt so happy in a long time.

haha goods.

but the birthday girl.. aiya.. we wanted to make her really happy.ALMOST did.. but certain things are just beyond our control.id do some morphing, teleporting, whatever if i could babe.. but the only super power i have is slp-talking.

okay im gonna stop before this starts feeling like a chore. i dont wannto recollectwhateverits anymorier.

Playtimed

2007-06-11T00:33:00.000+08:00

the launch wasss.. aight.

started off quite ugh i think. i guess the crowd we got in were pple who dont usually go to gigs so they were quite dead. the performers werent though.. narpal was like "i feel high ah!"hahaha (they're such cudeys OHmegush:)

aiya. and line up... shld have put syltra, page, in front to comfy it up abit. quite an overdose of heavy stuff. i felt kinda sian, the crowd lked sian, i felt even sianer, and it didnt help that i heard this: " you leaving alr ah" "yeah. cos its so fuckin fun inside"

bloodyhell.thanks man. from someone i know somemore.

but thankgoddddd..after bad obsession the mood starting lifting and people were all getting their booze,coke and chillin abit.
yeah and so we started chillin abit too (:

and syltra was the bomb yo!MY FAVOURITE(: when she plays it feels like everything's a warm shade of yellow.

made quite a bit of money, all the bands had a good time, and the place was surprisingly pretty packed all the way till the last band, JUST the kickstart im not happy with. but we'll learn! it's our first gig afterall. and the turnout was good. Mr. Shaharin was saying "really, it's quite a success. Next time if you wanna organise a gig, contact me. andwe'll split the proceeds."

haha wow
sounds good.
but find us the time.

okayokayokay. i think im perfectly okay alr. gotta treasure the beautiful in front of me now and quit being such a fickle discontented bitch.

yeah and for the record, i lost my graphic calculator at BarNone, what the hell right (:

GIBB'senergy constant.ERISH.tsk.

2007-06-09T12:20:00.000+08:00

leolh era we lsitl layinpg (:

i want a dictionary brain. a word for every thing.

anw

tmr's the launch

what to wearrrrrrrrr

peter current. ahah

2007-06-08T10:30:00.000+08:00

<OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i want a tenple-decker ice cream

first flavour: macadamia

2nd flavour: coconut

third flavour: mango

fourth flavour: surprise flavour.

fifth flavour: yoghurt

sixthflavour: invisible flavour

seventh flavour: idontwantostudyanymoreflavour.

ok not fun anymore.

BUG TO STudying.g. :( :))))))))))moni stay positive!

muggerballerina OO.

2007-06-06T01:39:00.000+08:00

aiyo. hhahaahahhaquite ugly ah.
PLAYERS gotta have their PLAYTIME

cheekitout my loafers yo.

hots mama

mr kennyroger SIR! we'd like more food please, SIR!

at barnone for launch stuff. we were the biggest noobs there.

didnt help that clement used Choya as a d*ck.

okay okay okay okay okay its time to SLPing.

.. down by the bearded barley.

2007-06-05T21:12:00.000+08:00

pleaseplease sweep me off my feet.

i dont wanna go back there

an eventful weekend

2007-05-28T18:27:00.000+08:00

sj and sj.
pillar of support

kimberly and monica- riceballs forever.

there's a fine line between love and hate

"silencing all the resonance of the heartstring.."-air castle

aiyo. quite poignant right (:

anyway i was absolutely rollercoastered last night

esplanade till 12 with shauns waiting for the master copy of the cd, parents came awaitings with me too, BUT cddeliveryperson STILL couldnt make it down on time, so we drove down to rj at like 12 30.

mama was pissed papa was pisseder(and abit noisy), and i was slpy. and when we finally got to rj she instinctively got out of the car to give cdeliveryperson a dressing down. BUT. i stopped her.. sh could have lectured till the sun came up and the cows came back. Got home at 1 30.. said my thankyous,..summoned the strength to brush my teeth.. and finally made some slpy time (:

but drama end too fast not fun right.

so later on at 6 30am, i got a call frm cdburnerperson.

"um, there' a glitch in the cd."

:) with all the trials and tribulations that id been put through, it wasnt surprising i didnt blow my top.

well someone said it's just murphy's law ..everything that can go wrong will go wrong.

anway, whatever it was everything worked out and we got the cd to the production company by 9ish.

im listening to that glitch-copy now, its pretty good! considering we did a freakintightbudjet(less) illegal recording.

oh just for the recollect, during the nagging, hostility and frustration in the car yesterday night, kimberly msged me to give her a call. so i did, and she sounded so happy!.. asking me what i thought bout the concert and all.. and everything felt much better somehow. im so proud of my best friend in the whole wide WORLD!

the good ol' days

2007-05-26T02:29:00.000+08:00

Gooshh..

looked at old pics of us, and new ones of..not-us..

& i realised i really really miss you Cheresa!

All the drama we went through together

All the knowing thatd we'd always be there for each other

Firm friend till the end no matter what

Basically, all the faith in everything.

And im scared things will never be like before again. Us not seeing much of each other, school taking over my life, and me very possibly leaving this place.

sigh. fack that.. ravenous time.

the clouds looked too pretty

2007-05-23T21:00:00.000+08:00

frm wilson and papa to mama(:

who's your unfriend?

hahaha. learnt this beautiful euphemer from denise. how polite and sensitive.. i like it :)))

nvr had one till i entered hwach. not proud of it though but what the hell right.cos seriously, everyone needs a little bitch in them to stay alive. (okay im just saying that!)

anyway sat on the terraces and looked at the clouds with kimberly today. i love it when we do that! dj moni played her tracks and ate a popsicle, kimberly just.. ate a popsicle. Felt so good leaving our stress and worries back at the classbench for abit :)

While bumming, i listened to 'you could be happy' by snow patrol. and felt sad. so mr teardrop and friends came a-frolickin.well they say best friends are there to share your ups and downs with so i let kimberly listen too. and bingo! haha she teared as well. we're emotional basket cases la. which is fine, cos it's not that fun to steel yourself.

pandora's box:

bye

wait..

haha one more.

..one more:)

more pls :)

2007-05-14T22:09:00.003+08:00

narc.
better butter

Lit today was...stirring
(and i want to see you every day!)

Not like i understood everything she was saying

I dont even rmb anything i learnt. the only shits i rmb was something about how our perceptions become our reality.

I just remember feeling that certain thoughts and emotions throb at the edge of consciousness, yet remain so elusive to the word. It can get really frustrating because no one understands, and most of the time you cant either. But then shakespeare comes along and BAM... he(and maybe Mrs. Ang) liberates and validates for that moment by concretising the intangible... giving you a glimpse of yourself.. before class is over and you rmb not what you realised, but just how you felt.

Not like i have with me buckets of life experiences, but it's so real la, despite the drama. (actually i bet we're all damn drama inside, its just a matter of how well we hide it.)anyway, i cant help but feel there's this intimacy between the themes in the play and us powerful, foolish, loving beings, even if we're just 18. sometimes i think certain emotions i go through are so fiercely mine alone, the intensity, the complexity, the irrationality. but then i listen to some stupid song by like sugarcult and i get reminded its all universal. hahha and i feel like giving the singer a high five.. like "heey!! i feel that way too!!!" okay basically my pt is .. dont you think its amazing how so many people can do the exact same stupid things and have the exact same afterthoughts. it's like our lives arent our own.

aiya dont know how to say la. hahhaha

TO DOOZE:

*Players sales pitch during CT session on wednesday

Catch a glimpse of hots-bod-elijah by the way

Order an album on thursday

Buy a Playtime ticket for booze,chicks,andMUSICforjust10moolahsYAY!

spinelli me please

2007-05-12T00:59:00.000+08:00

abused and smiling.

got home erly today.

talked bout.. :(the future with my parents.

it always gets me so stressed and scared

i dnt know what im holdng on to here

i love singapore!

or maybe i just hate change

those big psycho ones.

Then i watched spiderman

& felt like walking out halfway.

it's such a stressful movie to watch!

you cant even hate the bad guys.

starbucks me pls

2007-05-09T22:53:00.000+08:00

whirlwinds and the damn weather.

love

*00tickets.leaving

3000albums.

missing and lazy.

every now and then

planning

panicking

anticipating

SATS and As

screaming down my neck

I JUST WANT TO SLEEP ALL DAY and bum around

haha with.

anyway! watch out for the Playersforgood launch gig on 9th June @ Bar None ::)

or get the album

or be happening and do both.

Players is one album too good to miss.

got the pun? :))

aiyo.. hahah cheap gimmick.

Hey Bud dy.

2007-05-07T00:27:00.000+08:00

TJ promo gig

drops of joop at bnj's. screwup. haha

euphorian.

poh xiang ting

dont forget to lk at me. haha

Fac outing photos

2007-05-02T00:34:00.000+08:00

http://www.wanzwphoto.blogspot.com/

Let's Sit.

2007-05-01T20:08:00.001+08:00

hahha. bet you cant tell they were playing musical freeze.

was pretty nice being serenaded. hahah.

was like this chocolatecoatedpeanut-sized dream come true.

but you know i dont think dreams are ever as wonderful as dreaming. aiyo monicccccca AH.

the best things that happen are always unplanned, unexpected and undesired ive realised.

so damn it. hahahah. Cause' ive always had a marshmallowpillow-sized dream for a Song-For-Me :]

or maybe cos i had alot on my mind, and it was kinda hot, and i was kinda hot... and i was kinda not supposed to be there :

aiyo.

haha

This feels a little different.

G o s h.

2007-04-26T00:58:00.001+08:00

AHh bloody.

gotta get nicolette to f kin redo the cover. when does being a minimalist become being too plain ah. HAIYAaaaa.

leandro just got me damn stressed.
i think tonight it'll be like.. level 101 grinding. haha

oh and i finished my tutorial :)yea baby!!!

drops of slpytime.

2007-04-25T23:40:00.001+08:00

I MUST

FINISH MY

T-U-T-O-R-I-A-L

.toonight.

& nothin's gonna stop me >=[

nonononohahanonononono

Gamers.

2007-04-24T19:43:00.000+08:00

walao cant click la

pi** off and peace out.

"i wish i were special. so fuckin special"

2007-04-20T22:30:00.002+08:00

YEEAAAA!!!!! my junior the band major

.. and ive never felt more proud :)

chapter 2. absolutely

once in a while

i get a rememory

and to relive it with all the immediacy of the moment, even if for a second

pulls me back a little.

yet amidst that flicker of pain

i cant help but feel thankful

to have loved and lost

than never have loved at all.

(:s-ssj

get your bike.

swoondled

2007-04-19T02:13:00.000+08:00

uuugh. this sooks.

im like freakin sleepy but i cant slp cos everytime im at the brink of unconsciousness, my mind wakes up and my body gets paralysed. its damn freakyyyyyyEE.

every time i slp at like one-ish two it happens:(

so i need to get up do something and attempt to slp again.

gosssshhh..* like everything i wanted.

BRAND NEW thankyou:)

2007-04-15T22:46:00.004+08:00

beautiful person :)

yea! finally there's time to get some stuff down so they'll always be vivid :)))

My 18th birthday was SUPPEEERRRRR niiice .

Kimberly made me come at 6 50 in the morning

to do nothing.

she planned a breakfast with meiling..hahha kaya and soggy butter toast. and a lunchbox of peppered beef from Siti! damn cute la!

but kimobobo came late. great.

so we had our little picnic instead in the canteen with stellybombelly during recess.

After assembly was even betterer :)))

kimbelry brought me to the central plaza and told me she loved me (haha i already know la dont need to say la paiseh la.)

then i looked up and got a birthday song from 402 and the ruggers frm the second story and suddenly so many homemade-ntuc/pasarmalam-plasticbag-parachutes came floating down!! they had like.. ferrero rocher and sweets and SPONGEBOB tied at the ends! omegoodness so pretty la.

and yuxiang was an absolute sweetie. he rmbed me mentioning my weird fantasy of getting a bunch of chilled grapes in the morning..so guess what he got me :) and like last year, he did a couple of birthday backflipsss. YEAH BABY!

xiangting forgot my birthday though. her OHSHIT!!!was like how loud la when i asked her out for dinner. but haha im not surprised. only got a wil and a son in your eyes right,babe? its oKAAy.. my love is for free. for you:)

okay what else!

stelly's fake cake.

Kim's M-O-N-I collage (i lk hotrageously decent in so many photos. I LIKE!)

Huixiang's "let me give you a hug" spongebob card.

songjun's intended subjectdroppingform

cheresa's "do the jellyfish!" balloon

my brother's three line love song (ew.)

the phone calls (so sincere la :)

and the texts. that made the effort to say more than just three words.

Zhengyan's cough syrup flavoured vodka

Serene's serene cd

The guys' dontknowuseforwhat bag

songjun's so-songjun wallet and.. the "latest product you know" pink fluorescent monkey.

weiqin and buddies' why men love bitches book. self help la.. abit late right. hahah

My pw teacher mrs samuel for my Apple.

ohoh! and yunpei's stolen awfully chocoalte ice cream. Walao.

and so muny more i think ive got alot of joy to last me for quite some time yea.

and sat was nice too! had it going a little huh:)

fresh of the racks!

2007-04-08T13:11:00.001+08:00

2 turtle doves sat on my window

and said they'd stay awhile

for my heart's nobody's ragdoll anymore

nobody's inconsolable child :)

Hello Othello

2007-04-05T20:25:00.001+08:00

Monica's Boy :)

Time is gone, time will turn

what every body knows

Little do we know how to fight

to let these feelings go

Give it some time and we will see

what stupid does for me

And i will find another way

Cos really, we dont have forever.

PASS THE MARIJUANA.

2007-03-30T22:17:00.000+08:00

The past few days havent been so good. crazy insidemoodswings.i think cos everything's a mess with toto not around. i feel kinda lost actually.. i think idjust die if she chose to go back to her village forever and become a nun.but its kinda hard for me to tell her i love her (and vice versa) so we'll just.. hahha, secretly love each other till the end i guess? yeah!

and ive been surviving on random sparks of brilliance throughout my day. but things are getting better definitely 8) just found kimberly's 1st Jan letter to me and i couldnt stop smiling! everything was just felt simple and nice again for a moment. ..ended up stoning at a spot for like a minute thinking bout the safest safest SAFEST place to keep the letter.couldnt think of one though:( so i just put the letter on my dressing table and put a calculator on it.

and today she told me how all my entries seem to be an.. outburst of how much---. And frankly i feel kinda embarrassed..haha..MONICA, THIS HAS GOT TO STOP >=[

tell me

2007-03-28T21:50:00.000+08:00

Bani

West Grand Boulevard

There doesnt seem to be any choice that's right.
and i think this is turning into some emomomoyokoOno blog.

today wilson asked me what i wanted for my birthday. he wants art and craft stuff. and a candy dispenser. and "one small toy".. abt this big ( ) haha. i told him i wanted vanilla perfume but he said "no. something else my budget is 15$." i ended up sitting by the pool with my bro brainstorming on what he should get me.. cant believe i dont have any big desire for anything. and 15$ can't buy somepeople back so.. :). he asked me if i liked minnie mouse or supermario and i told him "wilson im a big girl now." so he said he'd write me a song (doubt it though.).. and i couldnt help but wonder

if we feel the same

pretense.

2007-03-27T23:55:00.000+08:00

Went to tj idol with cheresa. Love her all over 8). maybe she's not so chatty anymore but its okay cos at least now she's so much more like the old old cheresa. "HELLO CHESA!" and why do girls like to screw up their faces in photos. frankly i think its kinda cheesy. but its so hard when you've got no one to hold the cam for you and your hand's only THAT LONG. i think i'll be cheesy 4EVa.

i feel so scared bout how things are gonna work out. everything feels like its at the THRESHOLD.. it's like standing at the edge of the world.. but less adrenaline. (and bigger eyebags)

and its weird how despite my mind being so packed, i still have space for shittyweewee things that knot me up inside a little, still.

so go away you stupid feeling..

i wanna stop feeling like saying I m y.

live through this

2007-03-21T23:46:00.000+08:00

Taking extra time to tidy up your money's home sends a message of respect out to the universe. If you treat money like garbage, it won't want to come and live with you.

hhahahahah. my horoscope for today. i like. got talk bout the UNIVERSE.. oo.

(andhey!carrotcolours :)

experimenting vulgariTs with nicholaschia.

2007-03-18T01:05:00.000+08:00

*help ""- says:
a city for you

*help ""- says:
or maybe its a finger up monica's

monicahahahartemis says:
fuckyoulabitch.

*help ""- says:
HUG

monicahahahartemis says:
oy. no.

*help ""- says:
FANANABANANAS TO YOU

monicahahahartemis says:
piconini up yours loser.

TSK.

ramayalabangbang!

2007-03-17T22:52:00.000+08:00

Super happy today. in the deepinmyheart yipee kinda way.

Photoshoot with Bani and westgrand in the morn had so much fun they're all such cudeys. Absolutely no airs about them 8)

denise and i decided many years downt the road when we're sick of our high flying jobs and we have too much money we'll just sack our company and set up a pub/musicafe and bum around all day organising gigs supporting good music doing what we love (m - sic) ETC. omg. i seriously love what im doing right now i wanna do it all my life!

dont cha wish your boyfriend was hot like him

hhaha uhuh!

pure disdain.

2007-03-15T23:31:00.000+08:00

ohhmygoodness im boiling inside.

but ive got no reason to be anymore so im gonna get my emotions fuckin right and go to slp and be proud of myself i held out till complexrev.

french connection

2007-03-15T21:04:00.000+08:00

i feel so lazy i wanna cry :(

seriouslyyyyyyY@%*@)#*%@)

EPIPHANINI.

2007-03-13T00:19:00.001+08:00

sweet:)))

thought about it..

popcorn and saliva .. cant be exothermic.
disgestive enzymes break down food --> breakage of bonds --> endothermic.

i think i was just.. imagining the heat. or maybe its just me. SSSSSSSIZZLIN. haahhahahhahahaahhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHA.

today I:

wanted to be ambidexterous
wanted to fly
felt kinda scared bout the same old shit. and some little new ones.

Blocksbollocks.

2007-03-12T00:31:00.000+08:00

im super sleepy but my hair's still wet and i fell aslp on the bus missed my stop and had to cab home at like 12 05 so my taxi fare was super cheap...seriously, my life is too exciting. I kinda even thought to myself i never wanna leave my house again cos i hate the hassle of making my way home 8(

(anyway why am i blogging more frequently? cos im feeling weird inside and i need some form of outlet to . talk. trash. without annoying anyone<321)

okay lets get to the point:

today i had 3ree paus. and i suspect the specific heat capacity of paus are relatively low. my pau came out from that dismsum basket and it was totally chillin out in no time yo!

i also had a bag of popcorn. and i think reactions between salivary amylase and popcorn particles are exothermic.

totallyserious.

totally 4AsforAs.

give me an hour

2007-03-07T23:34:00.000+08:00

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, irritating.

whitegrapes,blackgrapes,purplegrapes,redgrapes,rainbowgrapes,happygrapes,dancinggrapes.

shmack zhat.

2007-03-04T23:02:00.000+08:00

TOM YUM. yumyum.

(awwwwww:)))) )

anw, woke up shut down my senses total flop but whatever.let you go and tried to smile.

and till it all comes naturally, im not ready for the memories.

last emo entry EVVVVVVVVVVER yo!

masquerade

2007-03-04T01:40:00.000+08:00

didnt think that itd be the last time id ever hold your hand.

or tell you i love you.

i think im alright. but the tears keep flowing..guess its perfectly natural.

find myself wishing i'll find you downstairs tmr, saying we'll try again.

but what's the point in making choices you secretly wish to turn back on.

...my nose is terribly blocked and i cant sleep right now 8( but that's okay. cos time will dry these tears and i'll be happy, truly, every day, again. :)

so many things but that

2007-02-14T23:49:00.000+08:00

ran cross ctry today, ran all the way, fiiiinally 8)

.last chance.

precious people

2007-02-03T20:33:00.000+08:00

papa kawkaw bobo and bebe 8))

The snowman so skinny!
oh my gosh i miss them SO MUCCCH 8((((((

(anw the auditions went awesome.. feels really nice and fulfilling. Hearing Bani sing just made me feel like it's worth all the effort. Hope it stays this way)