Been thinking of handcuffs

jessica's 55$ haircut. ?!

lking like a damn burglar!

For nicholas to paste in his locker and own his commando boys(: (:

ok i cant sleep :( the past three days ive been slping at unearthly hours and waking up at 12. I hate waking up late actually, makes me feel like i wasted my whole morning. and frankly, there's a certain cloud of anxiety surrounding afternoons.

so what am i doing?? reading xiaxue's blog.

HAHA. seriously, i think she's really engaging. i think spore needs more people like her.. Unafraid to speak their minds, unafraid to admit they arent exactly gorgeous, or say, "im not putting her solo pic cos i want more attention on me.(hey at least i dont deny it!)"

Even if its not bout the most political, philosophical issues so what? you can come to your own epiphanies reading frivolous rants, seriously.

But enough about my xiaxue enlightenment, its time to wallow in self pity (:

...

My daddy and I, our relationship's very VERY volatile. We're both volcanoes. stupid volcanos. We erupt every day. It almost seems like some NEED. hahah. But the gd thing is things return to normal almost like magic. Even im amazed myself. But then again, i still wish things didnt have to be this way. Having such a strict daddy makes me clam up. I dont feel the same enthusiasm to share whats happening in my life with him as i do with my mum. and many times i have to lie, or tell him half-truths, or not even say anything at all. sometimes my mum helps me keep secrets from my dad, and while its all girl power "mummy-i-love-you-so-much", it feels like some conspiracy against my dad and that's just sad :( I do know fathers feel inadequate (watched it on Oprah), and im sure my dad realises the way i voluntarily tell my mum stuff but not him. When i tell him stuff about my life, it's usually always in vehement self defence..To convince him that whatever im doing's worth it. I guess maybe cos im still 18, still his baby girl. Maybe when im 21 it'll be better (:

okay obviously something happened today.

ANYWAY(:

right now i cant tell if its love or just the hormones. HAHA (hello xt!) like bordering on both. But the more i know the more i love, though. and im learning to count my blessings (:

okay its late, i wont talk bout haagen dazs and swimming and how im working for PEANUTS and a daily scoop of sorbet with hotfudge and rainbow sprinkles. thankyou for the fattieS gdnight!!!

public health

my bumming around led me to amandatee's you tube videos i dont know why the hell i think she arouses my lesbian tendencies HAHA. kidding. it made me really really really miss performing though.

Im still waiting for THE gig. Always end up getting so caught up trying to get the song right that i forget to soak up the moment. and that kinda screws everything up...music's meant to be liberating to begin with, isnt it?

other than the stupid essays and that incessant worrying bout my As, i think my life is pretty perfect right now (: IM SO GLAD IM A GIRL (:

Let me do some vacuum packing again. im not too found of lengthy paragraphs.

• Haagen Dazs has been nice the people there are so joyful! At least now i know what to equip my liquer ice cream shack with (opens in 2026) . But then again liquer is really hard to freeze. that's why tiramisu melts so fast see now you know! But whatever. I'll worry bout that in 2023.

• My swimming career has yet to be realised. Still training with ladykiller alex (call 91997194 for fun please!) I cant wait to suck the money out of ladies and childrens and let danielsingh suck it out of me.

• The interviewer at the US embassy told me i look like a dangerous criminal. wow funny

• Papa's blood sugar level is very high so he's eating healthy. so my entire family is eating healthy. so we're all happier now (:

• Wilson got accused of hacking into the schl's comp. haha seriously man, he's monica's brother. IT savvy does NOT run in the family. anyway, the school finally realised that too so they're issuing him a letter of apology. and he's very excited (:

okay im too absorbed by youtube

eric arceneaux - speech level singing

for the 4.50/hr labourers.

tobacco tin

I feel a little scared about later.
Dont want that feeling creeping back..
That stupid familiar painful feeling i keep somewhere at the back of my mind
Hoping itd just DIE.

but other than that, another tour YAY!

tekong zoo.

sent elijah off with his family today. Thought id feel damn awkward but it turned out to be pretty fun. Saw him in a new perspective and i love it (:

Emmanuel was telling me bout how spoilt their dog is cos it cant do any tricks..always freaked out by rain..thunder... cats and mice all. Then his mum went all punk saying " Tricks for WHAT. happy can already. Most important is happy. No matter what you do." and she said the same philosophy went for her kids. "my mum just wanted me to pass my Os.." haha.and now one's in law the other scores so many Apples. Im thankful my parents arent so happening though, id go buffalo wild with 'happy-can-already' (:

The other i got so pissed with my folks over my curfews (reporting to them where im going every day's such a horrifying experience) i super wished i could move out. i thought bout how if i slogged my months away scooping ice cream and teaching swimming id be able to earn enough to rent myself a nice place. like a smaller unit in the block opposite mine(not too far frm them!). but seriously. i can slog till my limbs drop and id still be stuck at in #04-09. So i called helphotline kimberly to knock some anger out of me and i was happy again. She just reminded me that with the prospect of studying overseas, or simply the passing of time:(, i shld treasure just having them around, nagging and all but SUCK IT IN.

and my mum was saying how i should help out around the house and learn how to be a LADY. so i learnt how to cook frm toto!!! my ahgong got very excited that i was cooking, and i was excited bout my ahgong being excited and therefore the pork was pretty good (: Tmr pohxt and i going to nicholas's house to cook for him as a farewell-commandoboy gift.. that lucky bitch.

and so many many many things have happened i dont know where to start so i shall stop.

or start a little bit. hahah!

other highlights:

classchalet

nye party at denise's was crazy fun. like some punk rock concert ..heyheeeeeeey (:

told my mummy, mummy didnt flip.

job hunting with kimbo

dancing with the girls

cheering for Hwa Chong

listening to songjun

therapeutic phone convo with yunnie

goldclass lunch with nicholas - strawberry pop tarts with chicken spread, mini cucumbers, ikan bilis, fresh garlic, french onion chips and baileys on mickey's face.

and i love K H (:

anyway, i want/need to :

fund my daniel singh vocal lessons (crazy guy's friends with teachers of led zep, michael jackson, vertical horizon!)

Get many swimming classesspend more time at home (yet catch up with wonderful peeps like reub and fadzri :( )

eat healthy

slp early

PUT AN END TO MY PROCASTINATORIK STREAK.